I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
