u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize