I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
