So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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