I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
