I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
