O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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