Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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