Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
