I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
