Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
