I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize