I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
