why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
please don't ironically join a cult
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