Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
