what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize