there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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