He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
