Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize