Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
