If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize