I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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