Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
