if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
