I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
