Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Don't make out with my wife yet
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
