3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
