the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
