it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
