I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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