Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
