why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
