There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
