so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I AM VODKA MAN
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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