Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
