No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
i think i just lost a toe
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
