Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
