i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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