HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
