And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
