I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
