So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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