we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
