she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
