Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
