pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
