Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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