we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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