Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
