I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
