Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
