sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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