I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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