hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I want a musical about memes.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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