im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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