it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Farmville is her only friend.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
