The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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