This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
