I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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