idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Who died my cat blue again?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
