"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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