I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
