I think im going to throw up on grandma
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
