her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
