hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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