Can i not drive my cunt home
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize