True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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