I wish I could teleport
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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