peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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