well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
