puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
