i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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