this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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