i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
