so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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