I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
