so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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