Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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